After All This Time
by when-the-silence-ends
Summary: Severus knew he was not a good man. (he knew this more than anyone else). But he was loyal, not always to the right people, but he was always loyal. My tribute to Allen Rickman.


_Below is my tribute piece to Allen Rickman, its little more than a drabble, but I hope you enjoy it anyway. Snape is a rather hard character to write, I hope I did him justice._

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 ** _After All This Time_**

 _Tribute to Allen Rickman_

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 _"After all this time?"_

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It's strange how aware he was as he lay there dying. Severus Snape knew that he would die, since the moment that spell marked his arm. He accepted that long ago, at least he thought he did. But now that he was actually dying, he wished he could do more. For Lily, always for Lily, and then for Lily's son. (even he knew Harry was more his mother's son than his father's'). Ironically, he felt more alive while he was dying then he was, well, not dying. Maybe it because part of Severus died when he lost Lily. (the first time back when he called her that unforgiving name).

The only keeping him alive was his will. He couldn't die yet, not until the boy knew what he had to do. Doing this, it killed his heart, because it would break the promise Severus made to the woman he loved. (well, loves, because he's never stopped loving her; even when he knew she'd never love him). But, he had to kill the boy she loved enough to die for, to destroy the thing that killed her. (he would never think of Tom Riddle as human). He found no comfort that he hadn't known that he was protecting the boy just to turn around and let him die. After all, if he hadn't been so foolish, she wouldn't have died. (he never would stop hating himself for killing her).

The only person he hated as much as he hated himself was Dumbledore. (but he was loyal to the man, hatred or no). He was the reason Severus was killing her boy. Harry is the only thing left of Lily. (he may have looked like Potter, but Harry was more like his mother). He always pretended otherwise, partly because he was playing the part of the spy, but mostly because it would hurt to much not to. (if he was honest, it was because he hated Harry because he was James' son).

Severus knew he was not a good man. (he knew this more than anyone else). But he was loyal, not always to the right people, but he was always loyal. Always, to the woman he loves. (even after he lost her, he would do anything for her). If he was honest, which he wasn't honest very much, he would admit he was obsessed with Lily. (unrequited love was never anything other than obsession). She was a hard person not to love, beautiful, smart and kind to a fault; she also fought for what she believed in and those she loved. Lily had been his best friend, his anchor, when his world was nothing but hell. (his father was a bastard, and his mother wasn't much better). He ruined that friendship; he failed her. But he wouldn't fail her son. (he _just_ couldn't). Severus would do what he needed to do, to ready the boy for his future. (even if the boy hated him for it).

It would be easier, to see hate in those hauntingly familiar eyes. (anything other than hate, he didn't deserve). Even while dying, all he could think of was Lily and her son.

He was losing hope, there was no way he could find the boy, not like this. Then the boy was there. (those green eyes bright with an emotion Severus couldn't place). Even after everything Severus had done, he was trying to save him. For a few agonizing seconds, all he wanted to was go back and do everything different. (to do something, _anything_ , better). That couldn't happen, but he could help the boy; he could help him end it.

He called out the last of his remaining magic and let the memories free from his dying body. Severus knew he only had seconds left, and he selfishly wanted to die looking into her eyes. He choked on his own blood to ask if this. The boy complied. (how very undeserving of this, Severus didn't take it for granted). Those green eyes stared back at his own. Something, some type of understanding passed between he and Harry in the few seconds he had before death took him.

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 _"Always"_

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 _Your thoughts and opinions are very welcome. Thanks for reading._

 _-Haley_


End file.
